"Lestat" 1998 Chapter 16

The Analysis of Lestat - Part I - a Look at Narcissism

Because it could take a while to get to the 'dream post' (as I have to dig up my dream journals from 8 years ago), we will take a little detour to deconstruct Lestat.

The main question I asked myself while finding out the truth about him, was "Why?" Why would someone go to SO MUCH trouble to change important aspects of their identity; to lie about unnecessary things; to maintain SERIOUS relationships with so many different women all at the same time? I was boggled by the thought of someone being so calculated and conniving for what seemed like no apparent end. In other words, he didn't swindle money out of me (as I had none to speak of), so why go to so much trouble? (He did have some money deal going with Amber that I think she put a stop to once the truth was out.) So, without an obvious motive behind his behavior, I came up with the following:

He did (does) what he did (and probably still does) because it gave (gives) him a sense of self. What does this mean? Remember, I mentioned several times Lestat was not only a sociopath, but also pathologically narcissistic. At the core of narcissism is a profound sense of identity loss. Individuals who are clinically narcissistic, have a deep core of emptiness. They don't really know who they are. They use the outside world to define who they are, because the intrinsic definition of self never developed. So, how can a 'self' never develop?

For most people, a sense of self is developed early in life through the love, nurturance, and care of family, specifically through the relationship with caregivers (i.e., parents). If the caregiver/parent relationship is faulty, it can have a devastating impact on how the sense of self develops. The self can become fractured, or can develop into a false-self.

In heavy-duty narcissism, the false-self is what runs the show: someone operating from a false-self demands adoration and positive attention from everyone around them. Why? Because they don't have those qualities internalized, so they must look to others to reflect back to them how they want to feel about themselves. Not only do they demand adoration, but they often act out with rage-attacks when they are not sufficiently adored and admired. They feel their anger is justified, because others are not appreciating or admiring them enough.

From the narcissism side, this describes Lestat to a "T". He constantly raged at me if I did not pay him enough attention or admire/appreciate him enough. I was never a good enough girlfriend because I didn't make him feel special enough. The trap here is that someone who operates from heavy-duty narcissism will NEVER be satisfied no mater how much other people love and admire them.

This would in part, explain Lestat's need for so many women. His core of emotional emptiness could not be sufficiently filled up by one woman, so he had to surround himself with as many adoring women as possible, in order to have a positive self-image. Not only did he have to surround himself with so many women, but he had to guarantee they would adore him by changing his identity for each woman, so that he could confidently secure their love. If he changed who we was, he could be sure we would all love him, because he would be "perfect" for each of us. This would feed his false-self image, bolstering him up, so that he could feel as though he had a positive sense of self. Unfortunately, this would never work, because ultimately he would do something to reveal the truth and we would not adore him anymore. When we didn't adore him, he could simply get rid of us, and find someone else to adore him, to continue perpetuating his need to feed his false-self.

The inherent problem with operating from a false-self is the fragility of the ego that is based based upon what other people think: it (the sense of self) can come crashing down the minute someone doesn't think the narcissist is "perfect" anymore. The self become shattered, or what is called "narcissistically wounded." To the narcissist, this wound feels deep and incredibly painful--thus the narcissistic rage that ensues.

Because the false-self is running the show, people with pathological narcissism often appear profoundly insecure. They counterbalance this insecurity by being grandiose. This grandiosity can manifest through bragging about accomplishments and expecting "kudos" for such accomplishment; spouting self-sacrificing behavior/deeds (in order to gain sympathy and adoration); describing plans to do "great things" that might not seem reasonable to the average person.

Lestat was constantly grandiose. He reminded me often how loved and appreciated he was at work and how much he did for his boss and coworkers. He bragged about how good he was at his job, how smart he was, how talented he was, what a good lover he was, what a good boyfriend, blah blah blah. This type of grandiosity is used as a defense to counterbalance the effects of having a deep core of emptiness and insecurity.

Although someone may be grandiose, their insecurities are just as flamboyant. Lestat worried endlessly about what his bosses and coworkers thought of him. He went to great lengths to manage their impressions of him, to be sure he was seen by them as a "god." He was often insecure with me by raging at me if I didn't kiss him, hug him or hold his hand exactly the way he wanted, or when he wanted. My sole purpose was to reflect back to him a positive image so that he could feel good about himself. When I failed in doing so, I was attacked by his narcissistic rage.

How did Lestat develop the core of emptiness in the first place, that would lead to such outrageous narcissism as an adult? I can only speculate on this. What I did know about his family lent some clues. His father was extremely abusive both physically and verbally. I never met him as he had died by the time I knew Lestat. I did meet his mother. She was clearly not a loving mother: she called him an "asshole" in front of me the first and only time we met.

This could have impacted Lestat's developing ego in profound ways. If as a child, he did not receive the necessary mirroring or nurturance from his parents, and instead was treated with abuse, this is likely how the false-self developed. It is possible that his parents exhibited intense narcissistic traits as well (such as: not allowing him to express feelings; constant criticism; and various other forms of emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation). It is quite likely, given the abuse he suffered, he never fostered a true-self, but instead, had to develop a facade - a false-self - in order to survive in the environment in which he grew up.

Unfortunately, he did the same "survival" coping skill - creating a facade - as an adult. This is when a necessary coping skill as a child becomes a debilitating defense mechanism as an adult.

So, the moral of the story is: learn how to spot a narcissist! Obviously this relationship gave me expert skill in spotting such a character so that: I would not have to endure any such type again in the future; I could help others deal with such types of people; I could educate others on the subject; and so that I would have such juicy stories to tell!

Here are some signs that you might be with a narcissist:

Jealousy and possessiveness

Excessive need to feel special, adored, loved, appreciated, or admired

Rage attacks when you do not sufficiently meet his/her needs

Controlling behaviors (trying to control how you spend your time, who you talk to, how you dress, etc.)

Inflated self-esteem, or grandiosity (bragging, "fishing" for compliments)

Dramatic, insecure behaviors

Expecting you to take responsibility for making him/her feel better about him/herself

Blaming you for behaviors or feelings (i.e., "YOU made me do this," or "YOU made me feel this way.")

Not taking responsibility for angry behavior and justifying angry outbursts

An attitude that demonstrates "the world revolves around me" and "you need to cater to my ideas, opinions, thoughts, and feelings."

An unwillingness to reflect on his/her own behaviors

Any questions so far?

As if narcissism wasn't enough, Lestat embodied an even more sinister personality disorder usually reserved for serial killers: anti-social personality disorder.