My Adventures with JMSG, Part 1

It's time to give him his own thread, considering the role he has in my life right now.

Needless to say I am surprised by how much I like him, happy in fact, by how much I like him. He likes me too and feels somewhat torn about getting involved, knowing I will be leaving in January.

Regardless, he said to me: "If things are going good between us when it is time for you to go, I am not opposed to waiting for you....I have done that before."

Wow. I have never had anyone say such a thing to me. It has caused me to consider the possibility of coming back to PoDunk, when that was explicitly not my plan.

Honestly, the only thing that could get me to come back here would be a relationship....but he and I don't have that much time to establish one. Between now and January I have three lengthy trainings to attend: 2 weeks here, 3 weeks there, then 2 weeks again.

But he keeps telling me he is content with us, that he really likes me, and wants to continue getting to know me and getting to know what it is like to be with me.

I feel the same way. Ironic - considering I have to leave soon....

Last night he asked me about my last boyfriend, RD. I knew he would react to the age difference between us, even though RD was/is legal. JMSG did indeed freak out, as I had feared. I know my relationship history is "colorful" and I am also aware it could be the one thing that someone might use to rule me out as a potential mate. Why? Because it appears I can't, won't, or don't want to have healthy, long-term relationships.

He is the opposite - he has had nothing but long-term relationships - his recent one lasted 10 years, although he has never been married. He considers most of his relationships successful.

So I told him about Lestat, to give him some insight as to why I haven't had healthy serious relationships for the past several years. He seemed to understand a bit more, but still, it makes me look damaged.

And well, I probably am. But that doesn't mean I can't or won't have a good relationship - with the right person.

I explained to him that the arena of my love-life seems to be the one area where life has squeezed in most of my lessons. Because, when I look at family, friends, career - everything else seems to go okay with the normal ups and downs. I told him it's like I have agreed on some level, to have hardship or lessons in my love-life so that I don't have to have it in every area of my life. So it makes it look like I have a lot of "drama" when the rest of my life is normal like everyone else's.

I don't know if he accepted that, but he wants to see me again tonight.

He said he doesn't know how he feels about the whole RD thing, but if it bothers him enough, my guess is he will start to pull away and I will notice that in seconds flat. And well, it will be just another example of something really big dividing the relationship - just another confirmation for me that something long-term just isn't going to happen - at least for now.

Even so, he is great in every way. I like everything about him so far, but the jury is still out. It has actually only been two weeks since our first date! Seems like I have known him longer.

Time will tell....
Yours faithfully,
Blue