My Adventures with JMSG, Part 6

I had to cut him off.

After the last set of emails last week, I talked to my mother. She has been in frequent contact with JMSG since I left. On Wednesday he called her (sometime before or after he sent me the email that he could not access my Facebook page):

“Blue has denied me access to her page!” He cried.

“She wouldn’t do that without telling you!” my mom exclaimed. She tried to reassure him over and over.

He was in a panic—convinced that I had something to do with why he couldn’t access my page. So my mother tried and couldn’t access my page either. She said this seemed to ease his anxiety a bit, but nonetheless one thing was painfully clear: He still doesn’t trust me to NOT do things behind his back. Although I had nothing to do with why Facebook was not allowing him access to my page, he had convinced himself it was me. Why? Probably because again, he thought I had met someone else and wasn’t telling him.

Several times since I left the country he has suspected “another man” when I have tried to confront him on things. He thinks I am using a round-about way to get rid of him so I can be with someone else. Again, he doesn’t trust that I am an honest, upfront person. However, I have never done anything of the sort behind his back, or anything of the sort, period the entire time I have known him. To this day, there has been NO OTHER MAN. He has no reason to suspect that I would keep important information from him. This is all because of his past relationship.

Anyway, when he got my response he wrote back calling me “defensive” and “presumptuous” in my comment that I “wouldn’t do such a thing behind his back.” Essentially, he was denying any culpability that he was suspicious of me. So he flat out lied to me in that email, because when I talked to my mother, there was no mistaking that he indeed believed I had done something behind his back. So, in my e-mail he was caught. He panicked and tried to backpedal, blaming me for seeing him as just an “insecure little boy.” Although it was true, he never admitted to mistrusting me. He just deflected and attacked me in the process – likely trying to throw me off this path of his own suspicious behavior, which I could obviously see.

I was furious. My mother confirmed what I already knew – that he simply can’t get past the trust issue from his prior relationship and he keeps projecting that on me by letting his imagination create his own scary reality.

So I wrote him again, this time with the clear intention of cutting him off. I told him I no longer wanted to be the target of his mistrustful, suspicious, or anxious behavior. I told him again, these feelings were misdirected and he needed to refocus back on himself and put that energy back toward his prior relationship were it all began for him. I told him I no longer wanted to be the recipient of his harmful projections that I was lying to him and betraying him.

With that I said I would then take him my friends list on Facebook, as well as off my e-mail distribution list and that I would not read or open any response from him FOR THREE MONTHS so that he could stop focusing on me and deal with his problem. I told him I hoped we could be friends based on mutual respect and trust and that I didn’t want to hear from him again until he felt he could actually trust me.

He didn’t respond back. Which is good, because I don’t want to read anything from him right now knowing that he might just deny his behavior and turn everything around on me. I told him I don’t need any of this and simply don’t want to deal with it anymore.

Of course, he is likely to assume that I have met someone and that is why I am cutting him off. He can’t imagine that if I don’t want to be with him, it’s because of him. He can only imagine that if I don’t want to be with him it MUST be because there is someone else. That is always his first reaction. He is also likely to feel betrayed anyway that I am cutting him off and therefore prove his feelings that I do in fact betray him. Ugh. I know I can’t win here.

So be it. I am tired of trying to talk him out him of the negative illusions he creates for himself. He can believe what he wants, and I don’t have to be a part of it anymore.